8: Stop Giving Up: Managing Resistance

Do you get down on yourself when you give up (again!), when things get really challenging?

Believe it or not, this is just your brain trying to keep you safe! Because challenging things like weight loss and eating healthy require hard work and dedication. And those are not things your brain loves.

In this episode of The Family Fork you'll learn about various types of resistance, why your brain wants you to give up (agh!), and how to manage resistance, so that you can actually achieve your health and wellness goals!

If you're tired of knowing WHAT to do, but never actually DOING it, this episode is for you!

And if you're ready to get started on a health and wellness journey that is realistic, actionable, and gets you results quickly, click here!

Ashley Malik is a women's health and wellness coach, specializing in anti-inflammatory nutrition for women with perimenopause or hypothyroidism. You can learn more, and discover how to work with Ashley, by clicking here.

*** Ready to lose 15 lbs in 10 weeks? The Method gives you all the tools to make it happen! We start April 2nd. To learn more about The Method, click here!

Transcript

Ashley Malik (00:08.322)
Do you ever feel like you keep trying to eat healthy or trying to lose weight, but it doesn't work no matter what you do, so you just give up? Think about it. How many times have you given up? Really think about that. When you think about that answer, I bet that there are...

Think about it, how many times have you given up? When you think about that answer, I bet you feel some shame and embarrassment. And when you feel shame and embarrassment, I promise those heavy feelings are not going to motivate you to take action. So today, I want to talk about some ways that you can stop giving up. And we can do this by planning for resistance.

Resistance is going to find you every second of the day, from hitting every single red light on the way to work, to forgetting to take the meat out of the freezer for dinner, and all the way to not seeing any movement on the scale, even though you've been hitting your step goal every day this week. But here's a crazy thought. What if you planned for all of those challenges?

I mean, what if you planned for facing difficult times in your health and wellness journey? Can you imagine how great it would feel to know exactly what to do when resistance showed up? So in this episode, we're going to look at types of resistance, why your brain encourages you to give up, and exactly what you can do to push through those hard times.

Ashley Malik (01:56.396)
Cough

Now, if I'm being honest, I know a thing or two about resistance. I kind of feel like it's my middle name by now. I want to share some of the resistance that I have faced because I know you will have some of these things in common with me. But I also want you to recognize how common resistance is because it is everywhere. So for context, here are some of the resistance I have faced.

just in the past two years alone. Not one, but two surgeries to complete my hysterectomy, which made my recovery that much longer. Packing up one house and moving into another while I had COVID. Getting Saraya, my daughter, settled into her new school where she knew no one. Getting laid off from my corporate job.

supporting my dad who has Alzheimer's after he fell not once, but twice. Having my in-laws live with us for seven months, seven months, and a steady stream of holidays, no school days, snow days, barbecues, events. and I also two weeks ago rescued a puppy. So all of this in just the last two years while trying to build my business,

feed my family and keep my perimenopause weight and health in check, which is super important to me. Do any of those things ring a bell for you? I'm sure you see yourself somewhere in there and you can clearly see that resistance is everywhere. So what can you do about it? Well, before we dig into what you can do, it's really helpful to peek under the hood to understand how your brain

Ashley Malik (03:54.643)
So your brain only has three jobs avoid pain, seek pleasure and conserve energy. Now this is key to understanding the solution for managing resistance. So I want to say that again avoid pain, seek pleasure and conserve energy. So when resistance comes knocking your brain will do everything

possible to avoid what feels hard and uncomfortable. So let's look at what this looks like in a real world example. There's a client of mine, we'll call her Sarah, and she was trying to eat an anti-inflammatory diet to really support her body through perimenopause, and it actually was really helping. The problem is every time she went out with her husband or a group of girlfriends, she had a decision to make. Should I eat the pizza?

Should I drink the beer? Should I share a dessert? All of which would actually increase her inflammation. Every single time she went out, she hit this resistance. Resistance in sticking to her anti-inflammatory diet, which it really did make her feel so much better when she did eat that way. But the result is that she felt so left out, definitely deprived, and super, super frustrated.

Her brain didn't want to do the hard work of saying no, which really felt painful and frustrating. And Sarah didn't want to use up that energy in asking for accommodations at the restaurant or in researching a different restaurant that might work better for her needs. And ultimately, Sarah gave into the pleasure-seeking part of her brain. She chose to eat the pizza, drink the beer, and share the dessert.

At the end of the day, Sarah just felt like garbage. Not only did she give in to the foods that made her feel bad physically, but she also felt ashamed and embarrassed for not doing more to stand up for her needs. She felt like she had given up on herself yet again. Can you relate to this back and forth in your mind?

Ashley Malik (06:16.03)
It's like you know what you should do, but you're choosing something different. I hear this from women every single day. What's happening is your primitive brain is doing what it does best. It's keeping you safe. But good thing is that there's something you can do about this so that you can stop giving up on yourself and learn to push through that resistance. So should we get to the good news?

When it comes to your own health and wellness, how can you tackle resistance when it comes your way? I have four different things that you can do so that you don't feel that guilt of giving up on yourself.

Ashley Malik (07:07.17)
All right, number one, I want you to give yourself grace and practice compassion. It is really important to speak kindly to yourself. You're human, right? And this is all new to you. So give yourself a break. Just think about it. When your kids learn to ride a bike, did you tell them to give up because it was too hard? No. You encouraged them, which helped them to keep learning.

I want you to give yourself that same kind of encouragement. Know that learning to work against your brain takes time and consistency, and it's not going to happen overnight, and that's OK. So it's important that you give yourself grace and practice compassion. Number two, I need you to have a plan. So think about it. What will you do the next time?

the next time you're faced with resistance. The reality is that your brain cannot think in moments of weakness or frustration or panic. But if you have a plan, it's going to be much easier to move through that resistance and not completely go off the rails. So if we go back to Sarah, how could she plan to make better choices? Well, there's a couple of options. She could call ahead to the restaurant.

and ask for options and make a plan for accommodations. She could pick a different restaurant altogether. And she could even eat ahead of time and then join her husband or her friends for a nice bubbly soda water and some anti-inflammatory appetizers. Now, I get it. I know not all of those feel like the most fun options. But remember, your brain is trying to keep you from feeling any level of discomfort.

That's how it's avoiding pain. And it's definitely trying to conserve energy. But if you make the decision to call ahead and ask for accommodations, for example, you're physically going to feel better the next day and not feel guilt or shame. Sounds pretty great, right? All right, number three, I want you to manage your expectations. This has been a big one for me.

Ashley Malik (09:34.284)
Controlling my life and my outcomes used to be a matter of survival for me personally. I really speak very openly about this, but I was in an abusive marriage. And in that time, I had to be hyper vigilant about absolutely everything. But when it came to something in my life that was way less dire, like losing weight, I actually found that my brain expected everything to be perfect.

to lose a little bit of weight each week and never gain weight, or to feel more energetic every single day and never have a dip in my energy, and definitely to always feel confident in the kitchen with new recipes. And before my divorce, I didn't cook at all. So somehow those expectations were there, but they were impossible for me to keep up for the long term, and it really left me feeling defeated.

And inevitably, I would, you guessed it, I would quit on myself. By managing your expectations, you can anticipate that challenges and setbacks and derailments will happen. They will. And then you can head back to our first strategy, speaking kindly to yourself. Knowing that setbacks will happen, you can remind your brain that, hey, this was expected.

and it's going to be okay.

Ashley Malik (11:06.38)
All right, number four, a little bit of tough love. I want you to learn to own your shit. In this day and age, we want progress to be a straight line upwards. When you step on that scale and you haven't lost weight, you forget that you ate anti-inflammatory foods four days this week. When you oversleep and you miss a meeting, you forget that you've stayed up late the last three nights and you haven't

prioritize your sleep. Learning to own your shit can help you push through resistance because you start to recognize that your choices have gotten you where you are today. It's not the place that you're in. It's that the choices you've made have put you where you are today. And I know, I get it. It does not always feel good to take a look at this. But if you can, it's a huge step.

in learning to be okay with resistance, which you know is going to come your way.

Planning for resistance is no different than learning a new language.

Ashley Malik (12:22.114)
Planning for resistance is no different than learning a new language. It takes time to get the hang of it. But once you do, new opportunities are going to open up for you. Remember, the trick in managing this resistance is to give yourself grace, have a plan, manage your expectations, and learn to own your own shit. I want

I want you to stop giving up on yourself. But even more than that, I want you to learn how to be resilient in your health journey. There will always be challenges and setbacks and holidays and everything else. And if you know how to manage the resistance, you will achieve more milestones than you ever thought possible.