31: Celebrating 50 and the Art of Happiness

This week, we're celebrating a milestone – Ashley's 50th birthday! But more than just cake and candles, we're diving into the joy and empowerment that comes with this incredible chapter of life. 

Forget the negativity about aging; we're flipping the script!

Ashley shares 10 powerful insights that have brought her peace, calm, and happiness as she steps into her 50s. Whether you're approaching 50 or well beyond, this episode is a reminder that aging is a gift, and we have the power to make it amazing.

Here's what you'll discover:

• Empowering Mindset Shifts: Learn how setting boundaries, embracing your true self, and chasing passions leads to a more fulfilling life.
• The Power of Perspective: Discover how to prioritize what truly matters, find peace with your journey, and embrace the power of forgiveness.
• Prioritizing Health & Joy: Understand the importance of prioritizing health, wellness, and the joy of family connections as you age.
• Sharing Your Story: Recognize the value of your experiences and the impact of sharing your stories with loved ones.

This episode is a warm invitation to shift your perspective on aging. You have the agency to create a positive and fulfilling life at any age. Let's celebrate the journey together!

Connect and Share:

• Share this episode with two friends who need a dose of positivity in midlife
• Connect with Ashley on Instagram: @TheAshleyMalik
• Visit Ashley online

Transcript

Well, hello there, my sweet friend. I am so glad to see you back here this week. And I have a little bit of a different topic for our episode today. So on the day that this episode is live, I officially turn 50 years old. Yay. 

What's cool about this is that my birthday is actually on April Fool's Day. So a funny story about when I was growing up as an April Fool baby, you know, when I was younger, it used to be like the thing to play jokes on April Fool's Day. And I think people still do that. So my older sister thought it would be so fun to give me boxes for my presents. They were boxes filled with boxes.

Sometimes they were like nesting boxes. Sometimes she would fill the boxes with rocks or cotton balls. So while she never really played any of those pranks on me, like putting Saran wrap over the toilet or putting a rubber band on the kitchen sink sprayer, she definitely reminded me that that day was supposed to be all about joking. Now, growing up, I'm sure you can imagine I didn't like getting boxes filled with boxes, but it was just...

part of having a birthday on April Fool's Day.

Now today, as I turn 50, my life looks a little different. I am so content and at peace with where I am in life. I don't even need presents, especially a box of boxes or a box of rocks. But one of the things that I've noticed as I transition into 50 years old is how much negativity there is around this conversation of getting older and aging.

and what happens to us, especially as women and moms as we get older. So today I wanna flip that conversation around and start talking about the art of being happy when you are 50 years old. I wanna share some things that I have found as I'm turning 50 that have really allowed me to enjoy my life and be so much more at peace with who I am.

So if you are younger than 50 years old, I encourage you to listen to this list and identify some of these things that you could work on a little bit that maybe you could put some more effort into so that you could almost guarantee yourself happiness when you turn 50 years old. And if you are already 50 or older, I want you to listen to this list with a little bit of a different lens.

I want you to listen to these 10 things that I'm going to give you that I think are really great about being 50. And I want you to see what you're missing. Are you maybe leaning into that negativity where you could be leaning into some of the positivity instead?

You know, I have never been one to shy away from telling people how old I am. And I know my mom, my husband, neither of them share their age. And I think they actually cringe when I do, but I don't care. I think that we should celebrate being the age that we are. And if we're living life in a good way, a sustainable way, when we turn 50, there's actually a lot to celebrate and be happy about. So let's get into it.

I have this list of 10 things that I'm really happy about as I'm turning 50 and that have honestly helped me to have peace, calm, and safety in my life. All right, the first one is that by the time you have turned 50 years old, you have definitely learned how to set really good boundaries for yourself. I love this because when I was younger, I actually wasn't great at setting boundaries. I said yes to a lot of things that weren't necessarily in line with

what I truly wanted. You know, we say yes a lot of times in our career when we're trying to get ahead or trying to get a promotion, but we may not always like the outcome because it pushes against our boundaries. Maybe that means less time with family, working longer hours. But by the time you turn 50, you have learned how to set those boundaries. And you've also learned how to say no to the things that just don't serve you.

or that you don't want or that you're just not interested in.

That ability to say no also shows that you have learned to identify and key into what it is that you do want. Because we say no to the things that we don't want or that don't serve us, theoretically that should make room for the things that you do want where you can say yes. Setting those boundaries for yourself will give you a more peaceful, calm life when you're 50 and beyond.

All right, number two, as a 50 year old woman, you're either in perimenopause or menopause. One of the interesting things that happens during this time in life is that we have a decrease in oxytocin. Now, oxytocin is that hormone that we think about when we're having babies, right? It's the thing that draws us close to our babies and makes us feel that love for them. It's a bonding hormone.

But oxytocin also surges when we are bonding with friends or partners or our spouse. So in menopause, as oxytocin decreases, there's a possibility that with less of the oxytocin, you don't feel as strong of a need to be attached to other people. Now, honestly, sometimes this can result in loneliness, but other times,

It's a really great way for you to just stop caring what other people think because you don't feel this ongoing constant need to be connected and to be socially accepted. This is really a gift when you turn 50 years or you're older, being able to go against the grain and really do what you want. Like we talked about in the setting boundaries, you know, knowing what you want and going after it and

actually not even caring what other people think.

This is an area where personally I've had a lot of growth as a mom. I have this really different life than any other mom I know. I have a 24 year old son who's married with a baby. So that makes me a grandma, which if you know, I don't like being called grandma. I want to be called BB, but I also have a six year old daughter at home. And this was a really intentional choice for my husband and I to have another baby late in life. So

I've really had to be okay with not caring what anybody else thinks because for me, this is the path that I wanted to take. Now you may be sitting there thinking, huh, I don't care what anybody else thinks, but I really want you to examine that part of yourself and that thought that you might be having. Are you avoiding doing things because you worry what your spouse might think or what your friends might think or they'll say, my gosh, you're so weird.

What if you decide to start lifting heavy weights or you start doing what I do, bringing your own food everywhere, or you start your...

Like what if you decide to start lifting really heavy weights or you start bringing your own food everywhere like I do, or maybe you want to stop drinking alcohol. We worry more about what others think probably more often than we realize, but as you get older, you learn to be okay in your own skin.

And going against the grain just doesn't feel as risky or as scary as it did when you were like 20 or 30 years old.

Speaking of going against the grain and really going after what you want, think that number three is that

Speaking of going against the grain and really going after what you want, number three is that as you turn 50, you're now really comfortable with going after passion projects and you're probably more open to taking risks and exploring new opportunities. You'll gain courage.

You gain courage because you have lived a lot of life. You've lived 50 years or more. And in that 50 years, you have realized the best is yet to come. There's always something new on the horizon or something great that comes from the choices that you make. It's not all bad. It's not always dark at the end of that tunnel.

For me, I know one of my passion projects that I am most excited about right now is that I'm writing a book. And I don't know that I would have had the courage or even the bandwidth to go for that when I was 20 or 30.

But the life that I have lived has led me to a place where I am ready to take on this risk. If I have to publish my own book or I work with a publisher, I don't know yet, but the risk is mine to put my story out there and to be vulnerable and to share with the world. I'm totally okay with taking that risk because I feel so passionately about how my story can inspire other women to transform their lives.

I'm really okay with leaning into my passion project and creating those new opportunities for myself.

Which leads us to number four, financial stability. By the time you are 50, you're pretty much in a place where you're financially okay or you know what it takes to be okay. Being able to lean into those passion projects or take some risks, it's probably because you have financial stability to do exactly that, to take a risk that may or may not pay off.

You know, I am the CEO of my company and it is on me every day to make sure that my financial picture is as stable as I can make it. I assure you, it's not always easy, but I also know how to pivot. I know how to pull back on expenses if I need to. I know what my earning potential is. So financial stability doesn't necessarily mean that you just have a ton of money sitting there and you can do whatever you want.

I mean, that would be nice, right? But by the time you're 50, you actually understand what it takes to earn the money, where you can pull back if you need to, what your potential is, and how you can leverage that whenever you need to.

So this leads nicely into number five, which is by the time you're 50, you have learned what truly, truly matters in life. So if we're looking at this from a financial sense, you don't always need to buy the latest iPhone or a fancy purse or an expensive car. You're able to lean into the things that truly make you happy. Things like being connected to friends and family.

Having those solid relationships, setting goals and accomplishing goals for yourself, not for anybody else, but for you. By this point in your life, you've recognized that the car doesn't really make you happy. Yeah, of course, it's gonna be nice for a while, but it doesn't make you like happy happy. What truly matters, what truly truly makes you happy is spending time with your kids or your loved ones.

having the capacity and the bandwidth to take a long walk or do some gardening or play the piano, whatever is interesting to you. Those are the things in life that truly matter. And honestly, it takes 50 years to get to this place where you recognize that material things, they don't matter. It's the people and the connections, the love, doing things that give you pride in yourself. And with that pride,

That brings us to number six, which is really knowing how to be at peace with where you are and where you want to go.

By the time you have turned 50, you have lived a lot of life. You've had different jobs. You've had probably many, many relationships. And because you've learned to set those boundaries and you truly know what you want, you're really at peace with knowing where you have been and where you want to go. What truly matters for you? Maybe it's building new relationships or having new friendships.

Perhaps it's making new goals for yourself to challenge yourself and continue learning even as you get older. There's a lot of peace that can be found in feeling comfortable with where you are that you have already put in the effort and you've worked really hard. You know, there's a lot of anxiety that gets wrapped up into being younger of trying to get a promotion or trying to find the right person to spend your life with or

deciding if you're gonna get married or have kids or buy a house, all of these things, they create a lot of anxiety. But by the time you're this age, you have a lot more peace because all of that is behind you. And what lies ahead of you are things that are fulfilling to you personally for you, for your family. That brings a tremendous sense of peace.

Alright, number seven, when you reach a half a century old, it is a lot easier to forgive. We spend so much of our lives being impacted by other people and making an impact on other people's lives. There is so much wisdom to be gained in having relationships and friendships. And as you live your life, you start to recognize that you know what, most of the time,

most people are doing the very best that they can.

If someone hurts you in some way or does something that feels really bad, chances are that it wasn't actually intentional. It's because they were hurting and maybe they were struggling.

And you don't know that until you have lived some life to be able to look at other people's lives and say, wow, you were in a really rough spot when you said that thing that was so hurtful to me. At the same time.

At the same time, it is also easier to forgive yourself.

At the same time, it is also easier to forgive yourself. Being a mom, for example, is a really hard job. And I don't know about you, but I look back at my entire life of being a mom, and I've got a lot of time yet to go. And there are a lot of things that I wish I would have done differently. But as I turned 50, I'm actually able to forgive myself and to recognize, you know what? I did the best that I could.

with what I knew in that moment in time. I could spend the rest of my life feeling guilty or maybe resentful to someone else.

I could spend the rest of my life feeling guilty about what I've done or resentful to someone else, but being able to forgive myself and other people continues to give me that peace that we just talked about. They actually weren't out to get me. They weren't out to hurt me, but I can also forgive where they were and what impact their words or their actions might've had on me.

If you have listened to the podcast for a while, you will know that I talk really openly about what it was like to leave an abusive marriage. And it's taken me a lot of years to be able to forgive my ex-husband for the choices that he made that impacted me and my son. And that forgiveness, it did not come easily.

But as I've continued to live life and as I've continued to learn just like about the human condition, I recognize now that he was in a horrible place and that led him to make some really, really hurtful choices.

Thankfully, I've been able to get to a place where I forgive him. It doesn't mean that what he did was okay, but I do forgive him. And it gives me peace that it wasn't me. What he did wasn't intentionally to hurt me. I just happened to be in that path of what for him was probably a very hard and painful life.

Okay. Number eight is your newfound ability to completely prioritize your own health and wellness. I am loving where things are today in terms of health and wellness. So as I turn 50 in the year 2025, the conversation around menopause and perimenopause, is massive. And a huge shout out to other Gen Xers who are out there.

deciding not to just sit with this discomfort of perimenopause anymore. They're asking questions and learning about it, writing books and producing movies about it. It is everywhere.

So right now there is this massive ability to understand how menopause impacts your body as a woman, but in also understanding that you have agency, you actually have control over how much you move your body, what kind of foods you eat, and it has just made this season of life a lot easier.

So there's this massive ability to understand how menopause impacts your body as a woman, but in also knowing that you have agency, you have control over how much you move your body, what kind of foods you eat, and it has just made this whole season of life a lot easier.

Now, as you know, my life looks different than any other 50 year old mom that I know. I still have a six year old at home, but I can appreciate being 50 with older kids, know, teenagers, or maybe you're an empty nester. It does allow you to have more time to focus on things like working out. You can also eat differently, especially if it's just you and your partner or your spouse and

Maybe your older children or your adult children, if they're still around, they're just more willing to eat the foods that you consider healthy food.

By the time you turn 50, you find a lot of joy in actually taking good care of your body and taking care of yourself. We have more bandwidth and it just helps us to feel really good.

And the biggest benefit of all of that is that the more we take care of ourselves, leading up to 50 years old, the easier it is for us to age with healthy bones and healthy muscles and a really sharp mind. This, this is what we're going for. We want to be able to grow old and be healthy and strong and honestly able to like get up off the toilet on our own and not be completely decimated if we fall and break a hip or something like that.

Being able to prioritize your health and your wellness at 50, it is such a good feeling. I have personally loved this journey and I really have continued to grow in this area. You know, I had set some personal goals of where I wanted my physique and my body to be at 50. And today on my birthday, I'm not actually hitting those goals on time, but it's okay because

I know that I'm continuing to work on what is important to me around my health and wellness. And honestly, that gives me this huge sense of pride and accomplishment. I'm reaching my goals slowly, but consistently, and I know exactly where I want to go. And that feels really empowering.

along with being strong and fit and healthy.

Along with being strong and fit and healthy as you're growing older, number nine is this tremendous joy and happiness you get when you have grandkids. So I really do count myself lucky to have a six-year-old at home, but to also have a two-year-old granddaughter named Charlotte. I love being able to watch her grow up.

She was just over here the other day and we spent so much time on the floor playing with toys and farm animals, running around with the dog and just having a really good time. I want to be able to do that when I'm 80 years old too. So knowing that I can stay healthy enough to watch my grandchild and hopefully there's more on the way, it just brings me a lot of joy. And what brings me even more joy and fulfillment is

watching your adult children become parents. There is this amazing sense of pride and happiness that's found when you see your kids and they're doing things that you did as a parent. It's almost like you can finally celebrate and say, my gosh, I finally got through somehow. I guess something that I finally said as a parent landed. But watching your kids parent their own children

It is so rewarding and something that will bring you a tremendous sense of joy and happiness.

And my final thought on the art of being happy when you turn 50 is that you already have a lifetime of stories to share with your children, your grandchildren, and with everyone around you. I really encourage you to start writing down some of your stories. This is honestly one of the driving factors behind me writing a book in the coming year because I want to share my stories. I want to share

all of the stories, whether they're good or bad, I want to share stories of triumph and I want to share stories of tragedy because so much can be learned from those experiences.

Stories honestly are everything. They're how we build wisdom, empathy. Stories can help us learn how to forgive and how to create peace. And so your lifetime of stories is so, so important to your family. My six-year-old daughter, Saraya, lately she's been asking me to tell her stories about when I was her age. And I think this started because one night at dinner, I was telling her this

funny but embarrassing story about when I was in college and I accidentally clogged a toilet and it ended up flooding like half of the building. It was this really big problem. I'll tell you that story another time. But Serea, she loves hearing those stories. And what I can give her through all of my stories is how I persevered or how I was honest.

or maybe how I might have hurt someone but then course corrected and apologized. Stories are what make the world go round. And so being able to recognize how many incredible stories you have by the time you turn 50, that really should bring you so much joy and happiness.

All right, so like I said, today's episode was a little bit different, but I think it's worth sharing because the way that we eat, the relationships that we have with our families, the way we take care of ourselves, it is all tied in to how we feel about ourselves and how we feel about aging.

It's really important to recognize how amazing you can feel as you get older and as you get closer to 50 and even beyond. You have agency and capacity to do better and to do more to continue living your life in a positive way. And focusing on the positive, it's gonna go miles for you and being able to shut out the negativity of like, I'm just getting older. It's all down here from here.

Focusing on the positive will go miles for you and being able to shut out that negativity of, I'm getting older. It's just all down here. come on.

Focusing on the positive, it will go miles for you and being able to shut out that negativity of, I'm getting older, it's just all downhill from here. No, it's not. If you don't like where you are at 50, you have a lot of years to change, to grow and adjust, to be able to set better boundaries for yourself, to take more risks and go after what you're passionate about, to be able to prioritize your health and wellness.

all of this, it is all tied in together. I hope you've enjoyed this episode and I would love to know if you are younger than 50, which of these things are you planning to work on so that you can be super happy by the time you turn 50?

And if you are already 50 years or older, I would love for you to share with me which of these things resonate with you or if I missed anything on the list. Either way, I'd love for you to drop me a message on Instagram at TheAshleyMalik, that's M-A-L-I-K. And before you turn off this podcast, I really want you to share this episode with two friends who need this message of positivity as we age, as we get older.

so they don't get stuck into leaning into that negativity of getting older.

aging, getting older, it is a gift. And as with nutrition and weight loss in midlife, aging is all about how we think about it. So use these 10 things as your guiding light as you create happiness at 50 and beyond.